So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
