how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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