So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
