is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
