he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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