Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
