The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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