gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
