Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
