saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
