Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
