I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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