I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
