Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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