I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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