like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
