Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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