I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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