Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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