is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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