...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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