thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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