That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
