I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
