Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
