Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
