i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
