i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
