Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
being pregnant is like rehab
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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