Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
