I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
