Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
