Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.