Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong