nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend