Sponge bath it is.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam