I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
