The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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