uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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