You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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