If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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