just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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