I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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