I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
