she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
