God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize