i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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