Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
