if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
