It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
