Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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