omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
