i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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