She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
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NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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