is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
