Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Found your dick twin last night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
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