saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
