so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
