I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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