I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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