I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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