His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
