Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
