It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
