This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
