I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
