just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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