There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I still have a little drunk in my system
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