so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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