my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
