I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize