this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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